Blog Entry - The Bible by Danny Cohen
The Bible (a.k.a. The T.V. Guide) T.V. (like cereal) played a monumental role in my development. I remember the night the family went to Sears to buy a prototype color console. We watched 'Prince Valient' in saturated technicolor and ate colored popcorn with 'Mother's Pride' orange soda.
My brother and I started the day with game shows like 'Video Village'. We were 'Grand Prize Winners' in our own right, having scored a pogo stick on 'Skipper Frank', a Flying Dutchman car on 'Engineer Bill', a Wienermobile on 'Little Oscar', and the doorprize (a marble cone) at The Pacifice Shell Club (all seniors). [I already told you about the giant box of Hot Tamales].
We were hooked on the KTLA afternoon line up of 'Father Knows Best', 'Highway Patrol', 'Ozzie and Harriet', 'Leave it to Beaver', 'The Twilight Zone', 'Sea Hunt', 'Dobie Gillis', and 'One Step Beyond'. [We watched these shows before these syndications].
On 'Prayer in Black and White' (on my new Anti CD 'Shades of Dorian Gray'), I fantasize about praying to these 50's T.V. icons (they were like dieties) to smite the warped conservative values of a false America proffering fascism, vengeance, greed and dogmatism, so diametrically opposed to the creeds of our heros; Turning our collective consciousness into a morass, not unlike New Orleans (underscored on the cut by a drunken 2nd line brass band).
My brother Greg (a domestic Cancer) liked the cooking shows; Chef Milano, Julia Childe, The Galloping Gourmet (with his 'short slurps' of wine, until he got in a crash and became a Christian). His favorite was Bee Buyer, a ditzy housewife who relied on frozen foods, which she plugged intermittantly, tittering with embarrassment if she blew her lines.
I liked the cartoons; Clutch Cargo (with real mouths that looked anal), Speed Racer (with characters that talked at 100 m.p.h. and blurted"HUUUHH! every 10 seconds), Gumby (the green blatt that seemed to move on castors, finding worlds inside the oven and reached the moon with a ladder), Felix the Cat (whose cigar chomping bulldogs, amoeba Emperors, TNT voiced nerds and jellyfish Martian Generals had unstable and hysterical voices), and Fireball XL5 (puppets that moved like arthritic old women).
I won T.V. Trivia contests recalling Primetime lineups and obscure one season shows such as 'Cornet Blue' and 'Occasional Wife' (using the term in my song 'Palm of my Hand'). I knew who played Beaver's Principal (Doris Packard).
I associated certain shows with corresponding days of the week and entrees; Monday, 'Man From Uncle' and steak; Tuesday, 'Girl From Uncle', pork chops; Wednesday, 'The Avengers', meatloaf; Thursday, 'Run Buddy Run', 'Mr. Terrific' and 'Captain Nice', lambchops; Sunday, 'Disney' and 'Mission Impossible', Chicken.
Though we were T.V. Zombies, the world might be better off if there were still Sherrifs to eat lunch with, engineers to drink milk with, sailors to draw with, and a clown to tell us when to leave for school.